Wednesday, October 20, 2004
[20th october][2oo4][wednesday]
no, you won't believe how you screwed my life, what you just did, and in the first place, why did you have to ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT?!
dad. i'm 15. i know i made mistakes before, but seriously, my conscience works betta then you think it does. i know i'm the only one who makes you worry, but you really should have more faith in me.
because i believed in God, i'm still here today. i admit i do lie to you every now and then, but i promise, i didn't and won't do anything bad, i just want to have a little fun.
you have seen quite some of my friends. they're certainly the best lot of friends anyone would ever have, they study, don't smoke, don't do drugs, dress very appropriately, look nerdy, act nerdy and are nerdy, but play hard at the same time, and always encourage each other to do the right things like study, save money, and all the other little things.
in fact, I'M the ONE who asserts the bad influence on them! not a thing to be proud of, but i know, i should change. i am trying to, but you should know, it's not easy to change our characters, i had it since young.
i know you care a lot about me, but i really wish you would show it in a more proper way. scolding me wouldn't show you care. and certainly not SCOLDING MY FRIEND. are the languages we speak totally different? we do have a communication problem, but seriously, i've given in enough on that. the problem does lie with you, not me. why? i would listen to you talk. but you wouldn't let me have a chance to explain myself unless i resort to screaming and shouting. you would talk when i approach you. but, you are rather stubborn, and since we both have short tempers, we would always, and never fail to not end a attempt to talk in a heated quarrel.
it's always like that. i can never get my thoughts through to you. why?! you always act according to your preferences, doing things for me. no dad, shielding me isn't something you should do anymore... i need the freedom.. or how would i ever mature?
it's wrong to scold jaymie. totally. you shouldn't have, you know? it just proves to the world what kinda relationship we have.
i really give up. but i'm really, really very sorry, jaymie, seriously.
if this costs me our friendship, i dont know, but i know this possibility is very real
nothing from me makes sense anymore. i need a break - from life.
xoxo
joce-lyn
11:15 PM
